Immotionaly Disturbed

Last few days there occurred 4 bomb explotions within the past two weeks.The first eexplotion which occurred in the Dehiwala Railway station thoroghly disturbed by feelings.It was around 5'o clock in the evening when mom called home n said their has been a bomb blast in the Colombo-Panadura train n she'sn the next train which was stopped somewhere around Wellawatte at the time.
"Oh No Not again" was my aunty's respond, looking at her horrified face I realized something really bad has happened.Hearing what has happened took me to 12 years back, the year mamma n my uncle died in the bomb blast which occurred in the same railway station.It was a rather unexpected event actually never expected and the event which brought major divastation upon the family.Mamma was my mom's one n only younger sister n as they didn't hv children I was treated as her own child.I still remember the night my uncle came to pur home n said that there has been a bomb blast in the Colombo-Kalutara train n wanted to check on my mom.I was just a grade 4 student n only thing which came into my mind was to switch on the tv n listen to news, I didn't hv a major idea but I felt some feeling of fright rising upon me.Then to my ralaxation mom came home, the rest of tthe events are not clear in my mind but I remember mom going to "Maha Gedara" where mamma n bindu(lokuammi) lived.
With the dawn mom came home n said that I can't go to school tomo, this made me surprised coz mamma has met my mom in the office n given some clay which I needed to take to school for some pracicle session n I was rather excited about that.But though I was just 9 years old the tone of mom's voice made me feel that there is something wrong.And I asked "Mom, Wht has happened?".I was horrified and startled by hearing the unexpected news that mamma's ID card has been found by one of her friend's n one explotion has been it the same apartment that mamma n uncle was in n mom cried making me cry too.She advised me not to tell this to my grandma yet n they went back.Though I was just 9 I starred feeling some darkness surrounding me, loneliness, fright n in exact words feeling of what death exactly is.What I say might not be clear coz I myself can't exactly describe my feelings but I think it's the "fear of loosing someone u love".I layed on bed recollecting the lovely memories of mamma n uncle n praying tht they will be safe.
I couldn't keep quiet when it became 6, 6.30 in the morning n I told grandma what mom said about finding mamma's ID card.OMG! Still I wish I never said that to her, she started weeping n I was scared she will get heart attack by the look on her face n I called my uncle next door who came to settle her.But before long lokumammi came with the news that I feared to hear.
I cried n wept n wished that what I heard was not true n all these happenings never happened n I was in a really horrifying nightmare.
But it was the truth,granma n grandpa lost their youngest n beloved daughter,mom, lokuammi n my uncles lost their youngest sister n I lost what can I say I really felt I lost my whole world.Mamma n Lal uncle whom I loved more than all my uncles n who was totally into having fun played a major part n my life actually they are the people who brought me to Kalutara coz they were worried sending me to a school in Colombo becoz of the sitauation in the country.They feared for mom n my lives n tried their best to make us safe but god was so unfair to take their lives.
We lost them but in the same time the affect it caused lasted years.We didn't celebrate new year for five years n it was the same in Lal uncles' family.God took them n it was over for them but it's the people who live that suffer.I can remember having mamma n uncle with me at home in my sweet dreams n feeling disappointed when I gey up.It' a feeling more than disappointment which I have no word to explain.
I know for sure that it's the same with all the families who lost their relatives in these blasts n noone other than who has gone through such an incident can really understand their hearts , it's a feeling that no dictionaray in the world has words to explain.It took me some courage to write this down coz I have never talked about this with anyone.I still keep certain things safe with me such as mamma's lip gloss,hair clips n uncle's last body cream n most of all their memories which lasts till my death.Miss u mamma.. miss u loads.